2 and a half years ago i met this girl. this girl who just took my breath away. she stole my heart in one conversation that lasted until 4 am. it wasnt long before we had the perfect kiss, prom, & many happy months of cuddles & joy. she went to college & i stayed home taking care of dogs. we were happy. we lived our lives in growth together. in forgiveness & respect. we were content. but just recently, i started living in this constant fear in lacking happiness 3 years down the road (when we planned on getting married) & i panicked. i didnt know what to do. so i tried leaving… i left the one thing i promised to cherish. & I DID cherish her for over 2 years. so much life was plunged into that relationship. we both worked so hard for the life we both so clearly wanted. but that night i left, i had no idea what i was doing. i just wanted to be happy & i feared the lack of it with her. a week passed, & i began to grow cold & empty. overcome with an emotional illness i couldnt contain. i called her her multipul times in fear of being along. then.. that one fateful saturday morning at work. we talked on the phone & she told me she doesnt want to come back. that she didnt like who she was with me. FOR TWO FREAKING YEARS. HOW CAN YOU NOT LIKE YOURSELF FOR 2 WHOLE YEARS & NOT SAY A THING?!
as you can tell, it clearly hurt & confused me alot. here i stood, broken & wanting her back more than anything. & there she stood. cold & confident. she pushed me away & i wept harder than the whole year of sadness combined. she didnt want me anymore. so now we are apart & i am alone. i sing songs, write poetry, & wake up to watch the sun rise. so all in all i am okay. i am content & full of life. just… alone. she was my home, you know? she was my sweet darling whom i cared for endlessly. but to not be wanted by someone that wanted you for so long.. well, thats another pain entirely. i dont feel less than myself. i dont feel lost, im just homeless. its okay though, really. im happy
did i say that already?